A part of me is really excited to talk with you about the healing, intuitive practice of
Internal Family Systems
IFS therapy
But part of me worries you’ll think it’s weird or kooky…
Then something in me feels compelled to point out, “IFS is evidence-based!” (to relieve the worried part). “And maybe I should post links to all the research on the website…”“WHAT?!”
(another part is having none of that)
“We’re trying to get this website up & running—not writing a dissertation!”
Hmm.
I take a moment to just notice…
“Seems like there’s a lot of trying-to-control-things going on.”
I pause to notice my breath, my body. I consider all the viewpoints coming up. Then I zoom out to a broader perspective.
I’m in a different mindset now—one that’s connected to the current moment, rather than anticipation or worry.
This calm begins a feedback loop of chill. Now I can check in with each of these parts, see what’s needed: we can call a time-out to the tug-of-war, and collaborate on a plan.
All Parts Are Welcome
(really, we mean it…)
IFS: the very basics
You don’t need to know a lot about IFS to benefit from IFS therapy—it’s pretty intuitive for many people.
But you may have Parts (I know I do) that feel strongly about knowing some background. And I want to make sure we give it to them.
Concept
We casually acknowledge parts of ourselves when we say, “Part of me wants to go to that party, but part of me really wants to stay in and go to sleep early.”
IFS taps into that experience of being of “two minds” (or more) about something.
This type of multiplicity is normal, natural, and healthy. Parts relate to each other like an internal version of family members. Hence the name “Internal Family Systems.”
About Parts
In IFS, we start with some foundational premises:
All Parts have inherent worth
Parts generally mean well and have good intentions, though that’s not always obvious…
Part take on different roles or “jobs” in the system (like being protective or trying to manage outcomes)
Parts sometime act destructively with the belief that they are protecting or saving us
Parts can change if they feel secure that nothing bad will happen to you if they do
“Self” Energy
“Self” is hard to describe in a pithy way. As a helpful starting point, we stay attuned for certain qualities.
Qualities of Self
IFS offers “6 C’s,” that help us discern that Self energy is present: calm, curiosity, compassion, confidence, courage, clarity, creativity, connectedness.
I find that a sense of equanimity or non-attachment is an espectially helpful clue as well. And Self energy in neurodivergent foks might show up in other ways, such as as exuberance or calm focus.
IFS Resources: learn more
Books
Bergenfield, S., & Sweezy, M. (2026). Wired to feel: Autism as a condition of sensory surplus. New Harbinger Publications.
Schwartz, R.C. (2020) No bad parts. Louisville, CO: Sounds True.
Shilliday, C. (2026). Inside ADHD: An Internal Family Systems workbook to understand your parts and emotionally thrive. New Harbinger Publications.
Podcasts
Henriques, A., Shull, T., & Rothman, A. (Hosts). (2019–present). IFS talks [Audio podcast]. Apple Podcasts. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ifs-talks/id1481000501
More coming…