A part of me is really excited to talk with you about the healing, intuitive practice of
Internal Family Systems
IFS therapy
But part of me worries you’ll think it’s weird or kooky…
Then something in me feels compelled to point out, “But there’s evidence!” (to relieve the worried part). “Maybe I should post links to the research on the website…”“WHAT?!”
(another part is having none of that)
“We’re trying to get this website up & running—not writing a dissertation!”
Hmm.
I take a moment to just notice…
“Seems like there’s a lot of trying-to-control-things going on.”
I pause to notice my breath, my body. I consider all the viewpoints coming up. Then I zoom out to a broader perspective.
I’m in a different mindset now—one that’s connected to the current moment, rather than anticipation or worry.
This calm begins a feedback loop. Now I can check in with each of these parts, see what’s needed: we can call a time-out to the tug-of-war, and collaborate on a plan.
All Parts Are Welcome
(really, we mean it…)
IFS: the very basics
You don’t need to know a lot about IFS to benefit from IFS therapy—it’s pretty intuitive for many people.
But you may have Parts (I know I do) that feel strongly about knowing some background. And I want to make sure we give it to them.
The Concept
We casually acknowledge parts of ourselves when we say, “Part of me wants to go to that party, but part of me really wants to stay in and get to sleep early.”
IFS taps into that experience of being “of two minds” (or more) about something.
This type of multiplicity is normal, natural, and healthy. Parts relate to each other like an internal version of family members. Hence the name “Internal Family Systems.”
In addition to Parts, there is another aspect: one that sees the big picture, acts with compassion and care for all the Parts, and is not invested in particular outcomes, but rather supports the well-being of the system as a whole. The IFS model calls this “Self.”
About Parts
IFS starts with some basic premises about Parts:
All Parts have inherent worth
Parts mean well and have good intentions, though that’s not always obvious…
Part take on different roles or “jobs” in the system (like being protective or trying to manage outcomes)
Parts sometime act destructively with the belief that they are protecting or saving us
Parts can change if they feel secure that nothing bad will happen to you if they do
But before that happens, Parts may see each other as misguided, adversarial, or dangerous. The stakes can feel like life-and-death to Parts, and behavior can get extreme, including addictions, self-harm, or harmful behavior toward others.
How can we help a system waging internal battles?
Consider how a neutral, yet caring, presence— another aspect of the internal system— could support mutual understanding among the Parts: the first steps toward peace.
“Self” Energy
“Self” is hard to describe in a pithy way. And different people hold the idea in different ways. For practical purposes, when we want to know if there is Self energy present, we can look out for certain qualities.
IFS offers “8 C’s,” that help us discern that Self energy is present: calm, curiosity, compassion, confidence, courage, clarity, creativity, connectedness;
Some people look out for the experience of flow, equanimity, or non-attachment;
Others connect it to figures of love, benevolence, and wisdom from their religions;
In neurodivergent folks might show up in other ways, such as as exuberance or calm-yet-intense focus.
More IFS Resources
Books
Bergenfield, S., & Sweezy, M. (2026). Wired to feel: Autism as a condition of sensory surplus. New Harbinger Publications.
Schwartz, R.C. (2020) No bad parts. Louisville, CO: Sounds True.
Shilliday, C. (2026). Inside ADHD: An Internal Family Systems workbook to understand your parts and emotionally thrive. New Harbinger Publications.
Podcasts
Henriques, A., Shull, T., & Rothman, A. (Hosts). (2019–present). IFS talks [Audio podcast]. Apple Podcasts. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ifs-talks/id1481000501
More coming…
Where to next?
Neurodivergence
• What is neurodivergence?
(Is it just ADHD and Autism?)
• How does it feel from the inside?
•How does it look from the outside?
• How can I tell if I’m neurodivergent?
About
A bit about me,
the focus of my practice,
and why I’m calling out to folks who are neurodivergent, interested in IFS, and identify with intersectionality.
Where we’ll meet
IN PERSON
Valley Cottage, NY
TELEHEALTH
NY & NJ